Baptism Pictures

Baptism!

Today my sweet Sarah is getting baptized.   Here's our donut breakfast to celebrate.  Jason wanted to pull all the apples out of the bin and play with them so that was his baptism day celebration treat.  I will post more pictures tonight if I remember!

here bloggy, bloggy, blog

Over the last few months I have had more than a few moments where I've thought, 'Oh!  I oughta document that on the blog!' and then I remember that my blogging days have pittered away to nada the last year or two.  Darn it!  I want to be better!  So, we'll see how this goes.

The last couple weeks since school has started for the girls has been really exciting.  Exciting not because I'm going on wild adventures and eating my way through all the local restaurants (although that would be AMAZING, especially if the calories didn't count!) - exciting because Jason and I are finally settling into somewhat of a routine.  He's becoming more and more predictable and his night time sleep patterns have drastically improved (going from four wake-ups at night to just one or two).  I'm able to keep my house in decent order, I have time for myself, and most of all - MOST OF ALL - I've found that I'm an even better mom to my girls when the get home from school. 

The other day, on the way to school, Sarah said 'Mom, you are really funny sometimes!' and I realized that it hurt my heart that she doesn't know the funny, goofy side of me that I have always loved about myself.  Lately I've been working on being a little more silly and indulgent...although it's still crazy hard when I get a case of the hangries. 

I'm really enjoying motherhood these days which is pretty amazing because six months ago I was pretty sure I'd never survive.  Jason has been my hardest baby by far but I think through the difficulty we are finding that he is a joy beyond measure.  I also think that because he'll be our last I'm able to really soak up every bit of him - that and I have all day with him alone.  When he was in the midst of his worst baby-times a sweet friend at church held him for a long while at a dinner.  She brought him to me at the end of the evening and as she passed him back to me she said, 'He's something special you know.  His spirit, I can feel it.'  That always struck me because as much as I loved him I was struggling so much.  But right now - I see what a sweet spirit he is.  His smile and presence light up anyone who is near.  It's really pretty phenomenal. 

I really love how the girls have embraced their brother in spite of him being loud and grumpy a lot of the time.  They are so sweet.  I remember feeling so much grief when he'd cry (literally) all day long and he couldn't sleep.  I felt awful that the girls had to listen to his wails and then they wouldn't have any attention from me.  One day I sat them down and told them how much pain Jason was in and that's why he cried so much.  Once they understood that he cried because he hurt they were so loving (not that they weren't before but they just didn't understand) and caring with him.  I am so blessed by my three sweet babies.  Every night I reflect on my family and am so grateful for each big and little person under this roof. 

welcome to the world, sweet boy

Here is the story of how our little boy made his appearance into the world.  I hope to write more later...but here is this portion!

My Sweet Jason,

Here is the story of how you came into this world.

I must write a little bit of a foreword on your story.  In November I had scheduled Sarah’s well-child check but Dr. Babcock rescheduled because her son had HIS baby and she went to go be with him.  So, we re-scheduled for Monday, January 6^th.  In the meanwhile, throughout December I was having to watch my blood pressure because it was registering slightly high.  Nana and Doctor Nelson weren’t super concerned but I did go in a few times for an NST to make sure you were okay.  And you were active and healthy as ever.  So, a week before Sarah’s appointment Dr. Babcock called again to reschedule.  I had an appointment already for me on Thursday the 9^th so I scheduled it right before mine.  I had prepared Sarah that she might need a shot and she assured me she would try to be brave.  Well, she didn’t need a shot but she did need a quick finger poke to take her iron count.  And she was SCARED!  It took quite a bit of wrestling and talking and convincing and finally prying her finger away from her hands so we could get her blood pulled.  It was awful.  I was a mess afterwards.  I had been pretty stressed about making sure we would make it to the hospital in time for you.  I also was having lots of labor symptoms in the previous days…so I was on edge already.

After we finished with Sarah’s appointment I was pretty worked up.  And when it was my turn to go see Dr. Nelson and they took my blood pressure it was 130/100.  Dr. Nelson said that my body was not overly ready for any impending labor…I was 1cm dilated, 40% effaced, and at a -4 station…meaning totally no baby coming soon.  But when it was time for me to leave she took my blood pressure again and it had not gone down – even after resting for a bit.  Dr. Nelson thought it would be good for me to get another NST at the hospital.  It was pretty special to get an NST that day because Nana was working and the hospital was pretty quiet in l&d.  So, there I went with your sweet sisters.  I had a small premonition that I would be spending more time than I thought so I brought lots of snacks and things for the girls to do.  We had the tablet and charger, my phone, coloring, lunch boxes, and other goodies.  I brought my hospital bag and car seat for you also.

When I arrived, Nana ushered me into the ‘big room’ 713 which is a corner room that is extra large.  I laughed and told her she was going overboard because I probably would get sent home.  But we snuggled in and Moly was our nurse.  She hooked me up to the monitors and to the blood pressure cuff.  I was quietly praying that somehow we’d be able to stay and I could be induced because I was so worried we’d never make it to the hospital in time otherwise.  The ferries don’t run at night and we didn’t make it with Allison – I didn’t want to do that again.  So there I was hooked to monitors and somehow I was completely blessed with what happened.  Each time the blood pressure cuff would take my blood pressure, I would have a pretty strong contraction that would elevate my blood pressure.  It was kind of funny actually.  I had no contractions prior to arriving at the hospital but as soon as I was hooked up the contractions grew stronger and stronger.  (I had had some pretty strong contractions the night before but they eased up after a long shower).  So there I was – registering high bp readings and having contractions that were coming every 4-5 minutes.

 

Around 2pm, the nurse in charge (Debbi) told Nana she should just take off from work.  The charge nurse knew (as did Dr. Nelson and all the nurses) that I really wanted to be induced (I was scheduled to be induced on Sunday evening anyway, but they could not induce any sooner than that without major medical reason) so she kept a very close watch on my BP.  She came in after a while (an hour?  Two?  I can’t remember) and said that she put in a call to the Dr on-call to talk about my options since my bp was not stabilizing.  Dr. Spiro called and expressed concern that my BP was not simmering down.  He asked if I thought it was due to anxiety.  I told him I thought at first it could be but really as I was relaxed at the hospital in a safe place with my mom that I was calm and not feeling overwhelmed that it should have gone down by then.  (I think at one point my BP was as high as 153/110 if I remember correctly)  Dr. Spiro said he didn’t think it was safe that to stay pregnant any longer and that an induction was the safest choice for us.  So he said that night he would place a suppository near my cervix to get it ready and dilated for delivery in the morning (using Pitocin to induce contractions if necessary).  The great part was that my Dr, Dr. Nelson, was scheduled to do deliveries that next morning so we would be able to have her deliver you!  Dr. Spiro hung up then and I promptly called dad at work to let him know I was being induced.  I wanted Dad to be there when they placed the Cervadil because I was scared and nervous and anxious about what would happen – I’ve read it can make you crampy and uncomfortable.  And frankly…you were getting closer to coming and I was excited and scared all at the same time!  While all this was happening my contractions were still coming steadily at 3-5 minutes apart and were getting a little stronger.

Nana left then with your sisters once we knew that Dad was on the ferry over to see us.  As a side note, we were due for a major wind and rain storm that weekend.  Dad arrived and we were so happy to be together.  Dad was excited because he knew how scared I was that we’d miss our ferry if you decided to come at an off time.  Dad was also happy just to be with me…and soon to be with YOU!  The Dr came in at that point, since he was due to place the Cervadil soon, to tell me he couldn’t place it because my contractions were too close together.  He gave me a few options – we could wait and see what my body does, they could give me Pitocin to kickstart big time contractions, or we could wait a few hours and place the Cervadil if my contractions slow down.  I opted for the third suggestion.  We would just wait it out and see where it would lead us.  After Dr. Spiro left we asked if I could walk around for a while.  So the nurses unhooked me and I got to do some laps around the hospital floor.  Dad and I walked lap after lap, hand in hand, giggling at our little jokes, examining the minute details of the laminate floor, and I panted through a few pretty strong contractions.  I was getting uncomfortable and tired and I had to pee so we stopped walking.  The nurse (Toni, LOVE HER!) came in and joked about how we were quitting our laps early.  I smiled and said I was getting tired. 

So, I settled back into bed, and rolled to my side.  Dad and I were just talking and laughing and killing some time when all of a sudden it felt like you’d karate chopped me big time while also my whole insides felt jarred.  It was a crazy feeling – super intense.  I looked at Dad and said, ‘I think my water just broke!!’  I was in shock – and scared.  ‘Should we call the nurse?!’ I exclaimed to dad – and he was calm as can be (or seemed so) and said yes.  So I pushed the call button and Toni came in.  I said I thought my water had broken.  Toni called Dr. Spiro in and he checked me.  He said, ‘I don’t think your water has broken but you are dilated to a three so that’s good’ as he moved his hand away, sure enough, there was a huge gush of fluid – gross, yes – but there it was.  I was staying (did I mention through out all of this I was somehow convinced that I would get sent home and that this wasn’t real) until you were born for sure now! 

After my water broke I started to panic a little bit since it was so much more real.  Nana was on her way and we expected her around 9pm.  I needed antibiotics for a small infection I had so that you wouldn’t get sick after you were born.  I knew that when my water broke with Allison I didn’t have much time before she was born.  So I was anxious to start the medicine. 

Because my anxiety was so bad regarding the pain and the impending epidural my nurse gave me some medicine through my IV that made me a little goofy.  Once I got it I got the giggles and couldn’t stop.  Dad was laughing too…he’s never seen me so silly.  I remember thinking I was floating – I could still feel the pain but it made me a little more calm and I was breathing more normally which was good for both of us.

Nana arrived soon after I started to get the antibiotics and that’s when my contractions started to get very very painful.  I read a lot of birth stories before you were born, Jason.  And I never planned on going through labor without medicine to take the pain away but I remember reading the stories of women who did.  Most of those women did a lot of powerful breathing.  And so I breathed through those contractions while I held on to Nana’s hand and Dad’s hand.  I remember staring at Daddy’s face and getting lost in his eyes.  It was so very helpful to have a man whom I knew loved me more than anything to help me through this pain.  And the reward to getting closer to meeting you was so beautiful! 

I was in line to get an epidural from the anesthesiologist.  The anesthesiologist on call that night was actually the same doctor that gave me an epidural when I delivered your big sister Sarah!  I was a wreck.  I was so scared.  I knew I needed to stay still while he was inserting the needle into my spine.  And the pain was so great with each contraction I was scared I would wiggle and mess up his concentration and needle insertion.  Well, I hunched over and Nana rounded my shoulders and breathed with me.  Dad held my hand and helped me focus.  And guess what?  The needle in my back was not bad!  It stung a little when he put the numbing needle in first but then it was okay.  And I did have a few contractions while he was putting it in but the breathing worked and I did it.  After the epidural the pain was so much better. 

While the pain was so much better – the contractions I was having slowed WAY down and were not as strong.  And the scarier part was that your heart rate would drop really low when I did have a contraction.  Nana and my nurse were very careful in trying not to alarm me but I could sense there was an underlying panic.  Later, Nana would tell me that she was praying (and I was praying a LOT through out because I was scared too) that I would hurry up and dilate so you could be born and then you would be okay.  She knew you had the cord wrapped around you somehow, in fact she thought you’d be all twisted up in it given how bad your heart rate would drop.  The nurse would keep rotating me from one side to the other to try and get your heart rate to maintain but each contraction made it drop again.  Finally, once I was far enough along in my antibiotics the nurse started me on Pitocin to get my contractions stronger and closer together.  They start the drip out very slow (it’s numbered so I started at a 1) and gradually increase it as time goes on.  I only got to a level 3 drip before I was ready to push!  I remember the nurse and Nana were standing at the foot of my bed.  I had dilated to a six and we needed me to be a 10.  So, they let the Pitocin do it’s job…and they watched your heart rate drop over and over with each contraction…and I kept saying, ‘oh! That’s a good one!’ because they were getting stronger and stronger even through the epidural numbness!  After about 20-25 minutes Nurse Toni decided to check me because I was feeling a lot of pressure – and lo and behold, in the manner of both of your sisters, I dilated super-mega fast once I got going!  I was complete and ready to go! 

The hustle and bustle of getting the room and bed ready for delivery began at that point.  I noticed a few nursery nurses came in with a machine (I still don’t know what it was) and Nana introduced them to me.  Well, I knew one nurse, Carla and the other nurse was named Peggy.  I asked if they normally came in for deliveries because it seemed weird and Nana assured me they did.  Later she admitted that they were called in because of how low your heart rate was dropping and they didn’t know what they were going to find when you finally arrived.  They were there just in case something was wrong with your breathing or anything really. 

The nurse told me I could try pushing real quick.  The doctor was not there yet and I asked, “Are you sure?!”  I think I gave a quick push and she told me to stop that we could wait.  So the Dr arrived and I got ready to push, push, push for you!  And that’s really all it took – 1,2,3 pushes and you were out.  We have a tradition in our family that Daddy announces what the babies are, boys or girls.  So, once you were out I waited for him to announce whether you were a boy or a girl.  I remember the look of joy on his face.  We were excited either way about a boy or a girl – but I knew Dad would love to have a little boy to call his.  The look on his face said it all, he was beaming!  He said, ‘We got our boy!’.  I haven’t felt that kind of joy in a long while…since your sisters were born.  Once they set you on my chest I felt love at first sight.  Oh my gosh.  It was instantaneous.  We waited a long while after Allison was born to have you, Jason.  And my heart was full as soon as you entered this world.  You were so quiet when you were born.  I was so worried still – even with such joy in my heart.  I kept wanting to tell the nurses to rub you harder or take you away so you could be stimulated enough to cry.  I was desperate to hear you wail.  Nana said you had the cord wrapped around your neck and that’s what caused the heart rate scares.  I wanted to make sure you were healthy and full of vigor!  And soon enough you did start to cry.  It was nothing like the cries of your sisters – although they were also a little quiet when they were born…but you seemed so calm.  Like you were saying, ‘It’s cool, Mom.  I got this.  Don’t worry.’ 

joy

I've been trying really REALLY hard to read scriptures with the girls every night.  I'll admit it's never been something we've done consistently.  I'm usually falling apart by bedtime but lately, with Sarah's crazy enthusiasm, we've been staying on track.  This is the longest stretch we done of reading each night (missing a night here or there because we're visiting family until late or everything is haywire for whatever reason) at about two and a half weeks.  I have to say it brings a great feeling into our home that I'd been neglecting to focus on. 

Sarah loves reading the scriptures.  I offer to read her other books but she declines and asks for more scriptures.  I feel blessed by her because she helps me stay on track so much.  Allison has a hard time sitting still (for anything really) but she is allowed to play quietly as long as she doesn't get louder than I speak or start jumping around the room.  She usually plays with her stuffed animals or plays with blocks.

We started in third Nephi because I wanted the girls to experience the visit from Jesus Christ.  It's been a long time since I've read that far into the Book of Mormon so it was a learning experience again for me.  We learned about the Gaddianton robbers and how important it is to be prepared and listen to Heavenly Father.  Sarah was so engrossed with that story.  Tonight we read about the destruction of all the cities after the crucifixion of Christ.  Sarah was riveted.  Even Allison said, 'Heavenly Father was so mad!'. 

Each section or paragraph and sometimes sentence I pause and explain to the girls what it means.  It helps me process and it helps them understand.  It's such a beautiful feeling that fills my spirit with joy.  I love the connections the girls make as we relate it to life now.  Tonight I was explaining the idea of a blood sacrifice and how when Jesus died it negated the need for a blood sacrifice.  I started to tear up because it was such a powerful idea and Sarah was so open to hearing it.  I don't know if she understood it but I felt the Spirit and I know she did too. 

I am learning a new appreciation for the scriptures.  I am loving the habit the girls and I and Joel have settled into.  I feel the Spirit that reading the scriptures brings into our home and I'm so thankful for the motivation and determination to continue on and learn more about our Savior and His life.

another Crowdtap adventure!

So you all  have seen this kind of post before...and I love that I have the opportunity to post them!  That means I'm able to share with you all new experiences that I have AND that I got to have a killer fun time celebrating my 'Sample and Share' party awesomeness!

Recently, I was selected to participate in a Mortal Instruments: City of Bones party sponsored by Crowdtap.  I was so excited!  I have read the entire (so far) Mortal Instruments series and loved them.  I think Cassandra Clare is a super talented author so when the movie was announced I was stoked.  I have two die-hard Mortal Instruments friends as well and I KNEW we were going to have a blast with this Crowdtap party.   One of my girlfriends actually has a rune tattoo that she showed off at the party - she's DIEHARD!

I was sent a digital party kit that included recipes to serve at the party and fun costume and activity ideas.  I decided that we could serve up the punch recipe which sounded delicious.  Both of my girlfriends love crafts so we worked on creating necklaces that we could wear to the movie premier.  We refreshed our book knowledge while we decorated cookies with different shaped frosting runes.

After we got all super hyped up on sugar and crafts we did up our best Shadowhunter makeup and donned our blacked out Shadowhunting clothes and were on our way to the movie!  We swapped fun comments and shared our excitement with all the movie theater workers as we ordered our popcorn and drinks.  YUM!

Sadly, we were all COMPLETELY disappointed in the movie.  The film adaptation was a travesty.  We were so bummed.  We nearly walked out of the theater because it was so awful.  I'm pretty certain it was a terrible movie even without the knowledge that it betrayed the book storyline completely.  So I was glad we had the chance to live up The Mortal Instruments party - that was the real high light of the evening!

conversation en route to Nana's house

Sarah:  Mom, why do boys pee standing up?
Me:  Well, they  have different parts than us so sometimes it's easier to stand up than to sit down for them.
Sarah:  Why do they hold themselves when they pee?
Me:  Hmm, when they stand up they need to aim their peepers so it gets in the toilet and not all over the bathroom.
(giggles from both girls)
Sarah:  Well, I want to stand up and pee.
(giggles from me)
Me:  You could try for sure, but it's really messy.  We don't have the right parts for that!
Sarah:  How do you know it's messy, Mom?  Have you tried?!
Me:  Yup, and it's messy. 

Love her.