pushed to the maximum

Have you ever booked a hotel room or rental car or made a reservation and when you arrived at the event or place some one tells you that there's been a mistake - that they've overbooked and you no longer fit into the current plan?  Airlines do this frequently.  I think they think that you might bail on the flight anyway so they better have the next person waiting in the wings to swoop in and take your place.  Recently I've been doing this to myself.  I'm overbooking.  Okay, my days aren't filled with things to do every single minute.  But my days are still busy.  And an overbooked five year old and an overbooked two year old does not a happy mama make. 

Let's clarify with a starting point here - I am a woman of routine and stability.  And lately I've been flying by the seat of my pants.  I'm watching my life go past me and all the while I'm thinking to myself 'at some point I have to stop this plane and get off to see where I'm at'.  But I keep sitting in my seat thinking I'll get to where I'm going eventually - but I don't want to GO anywhere.  I want to get off and enjoy my life with my girls and my husband.  I want to slow down and see what's around me.  But right now I just sit on an aisle seat (because the ride isn't even good enough to warrant good views) watching the time pass and I have very little show for it.  My house is a mess (and not in that 'my kids played hard and we had a great time' kind of way), my nerves are frayed, my meal planning is non-existant (yes, chuckle if you must, but this was something I did that brought me joy and a litte bit of piece because I got to control it). 

I know that there are burdens I do not need to carry.  I know that I can turn all this anguish over to the Lord but I need to take some responsibility.  I am creating this chaos by working more than I should, scheduling too many things, and not prioritizing enough.  So it's me, I'm the naughty airline overbooking myself.  The girls are done being carted around from one place to the next.  They are done with their swim lessons (shh!  we're skipping our last class in favor of a pre-Thanksgiving Curious George movie marathon on PBS starting at 7am tomorrow morning complete with a pancake breakfast.).  I am done planning parties.  I am done making myself physically ill over things that I need to let go.  My kids need their mom back, the real mom that doesn't get angry so easily.  That's the mom I want to be again.