10 years come and gone so fast

This weekend was my 10-year high school reunion. What a dose of reality! I was debating whether to go or not for at least six months. Joel and I talked a lot about it and he encouraged me to do whatever I wanted. I had a lot of anxiety the last time I met up with some of my old classmates for a friend's funeral several years ago. I think the combination of our friend's death and an opening up of old emotions caused my brain to go into overdrive. For those reasons, I was thinking the reunion was out of the question. But as time went on I knew I might regret not going, so I went!

The evening as a whole went really well. Some people NEVER change and others were older, more mature versions of their old selves. It was refreshing! News of engagements, marriages, babies, and jobs brought peace and happiness to my heart. It was good to see that the hard days of high school have been well-rewarded (or made up for, in some cases) through the joys of adult life. In some people, it was apparent that adult life had brought heartache, sadness, and frustrations. In others, it seemed that life was oddly similar to what it was in high school or college.

For me, it was a small breakthrough. One which gave me perspective but didn't solve my personal 'issues'. Two comments have been repeating through my head since Saturday night. They struck me the hardest and brought the most profound 'a-ha' moments I've had in a while.

One was spoken to me by my closest friend through out most of junior high and high school. She knew me better than most other people on earth at that time. We've chosen different paths but have kept in touch through out the years and I'm forever grateful to her for being in my life, then and now. We were talking about me and my faith and how I've changed over the years. She commented, "You've changed, but you're still Jenna. Your outlook on life is so refreshing." Not exact words, but that was the general idea. I was so flattered. It has to be one of the best compliments I've ever received. I always hope to be encouraging and uplifting to others and this confirmed that I'm on the right track.

The other comment came from some one who I really hadn't seen in atleast six years. We weren't ever super close, but he was a good friend and we laughed a lot. He didn't know what I was up to, what I was doing, or what changes I had gone through with my lifestyle choices and faith, etc. We picked up like no time had passed and in the middle of our conversation he said, "Jenna! You haven't changed at ALL!"

This may not seem significant to any of you, but it is to me. Over the last six years I have become the person I dreamed of becoming. A wife, a mother, a woman with a purpose, a child of our Father in Heaven. But in choosing this life I often felt like I abandoned those that I had grown to love and appreciate as my friends. But it was a choice I needed to make because I couldn't be around old influences. I've always had some guilt that I let go of people that had helped me grow and survive the tumultuous years of adolescence and young adulthood. But that evening showed me that I didn't abandon anyone or anything. I didn't morph into this unknown person that gave up her former self. I grew. I embraced the truth of who I am. I acknowledged who I once was and who I can't really ever be again. I let go the negatives - the drinking, the partying, the carrying-on - but the truth is - that was never who I was. It was never a good fit. My heart couldn't take it.

But I will always be the girl who smiles and laughs and cracks jokes when she's nervous. Who hits you a little too hard when she gets excited about something you've said. Who turns bright red when she's embarrassed. Who wants more than anything to see her friends and family succeed. I will always be strong and I will always be a survivor.

I am so thankful for each every person in my life. I am thankful for those who helped me and I'm even grateful for those who caused a bit of hurt. Without every experience I wouldn't be who, and where, I am today.