so much happening

It feels like so much has been happening over the last two months that I hesitate to even take blogging back up.  How can I fill in the blanks when those blanks hold so much?  What I can say for sure is that Joel and I are feeling very lucky to have eachother.  We are appreciating our time together and time with our sweet babies!

February has been a pretty rocky month already.  I will confess I have a very detailed account of what has happened to Joel with regard to being involved with the gunman at Schwabbies earlier this month but I am not posting it for all to view.  The investigation is still open and I hate to have details spewed forth all over the 'net.  So feel free to email me if you want to see a copy.  It's in the form of a letter to our daughters - maybe they'll read it one day - telling them about the whole situation.

Beyond the shooting at Joel's work, yes a shooting, I have been trying to figure out what is going on in my own body.  This I haven't written down anywhere so here it goes:

Since November or so of last year I started noticing that I would get dizzy after working out.  I assumed I was dehydrated or hungry and ignored it.  It was getting slightly worse but I kept pushing it out of my mind.  At the end of January I went to play racquetball with my friend and my legs felt like sandbags.  I asked her if we could take a break after only a half hour of playing.  When I got home after the workout I told my mom that I felt like my face was tingly and my lips were kind of numb.  She took my blood pressure and it was fine.  She also took my blood sugar (She has one of those fancy meters) and it was 64.  That's low.  So I ate some food and then we checked it a while later and it was something like 75 or 80.  I was scared but not going to let it get me down...it was just a fluke, I was sure.  That was a Saturday night. 

Monday morning Joel and I went to lunch together and even after a huge lunch at a restaraunt my blood sugar only registered 87.  Yikes!  So I ate some more.  And I got scared that in a matter of weeks I'd gain back the 60 pounds I have worked so hard to lose (and keep off!) because my stupid body forgot how to regulate itself.  I went to the doctor that night who perscribed a heaping lot of blood tests.  A week later I found out everything is normal.  The doctors thought maybe I was pregnant.  I got REAL nervous.  I couldn't be pregnant.  I took two tests, both negative.  I waited for the REAL proof (tmi?) and finally my nerves calmed when I was, in fact, NOT pregnant.  So since then I have been tracking my food intake and my resulting blood sugars after meals and when I wake up and just before I go to bed.  Mostly my highs for days hit about 95 and my lows around 70...

Not a big deal right?  Low blood sugar...meh...Except as I was driving yesterday on the highway at 60mph I suddenly thought the van was fishtailing out of control.  I literally grabbed the steering wheel to stop swinging wildly about the road....but the van was going straight on course.  It was not out of control...I was blacking out with no warning.  SCARY.  I am scared to get in my own car now.  What do you do when you don't know what your body will do next?  I am hoping that the black out was a blood sugar crash after indulging in gluten rich foods the day before (I went gluten free for the few days before to see if there was a change...and there wasn't but the subsequent blood sugar crash has convinced me to stay off of gluten anyway) but I am scared for sure.

I know it's nothing serious.  I probably have some hormone imbalance or something.  But my anxiety brain says tumors and cancer and chemo.  I have a doctor's appointment on Friday so I am hoping she will say it's something easily controlled.  I am sure she'll call for more tests of some sort...maybe it'll be easy.  I am not sure, but I will post when I get more information.  Until then, I am checking my blood sugar before I get into the car and carrying carb/protein/sugar snacks just in case.