Last week I was finally able to see my doctor about all these crazy symptoms I have been experiencing. After many tears and a long story she suggested a likely cause: anxiety with maybe a touch of depression. Ugh. What?! Really?! Not what I was expecting. It wasn't all that surprising given that I do have a history of both but still not the 'easy fix' that I was hoping for. She said that I do have low blood sugar but it wasn't low enough to prompt such crazy reactions (heart palpitations, tremors, dizziness, blacking out, numbness and tingling in face and limbs, trouble catching my breath, insomnia). What she thinks is happening is that when my body would start to get low on blood sugar (or even if I was just experiencing a moderate stressor) that my body would react with a panic or anxiety attack. It isn't something I can control, I just have to recognize my triggers and avoid them or be very cautious with how I deal with them. She actually had me undergo an EKG because of the crazy heart thing I was experiencing - but all came back fine with that. My blood pressure was actually high also...gee, ya think?!
So her recommendation was tri-fold. She suggested 1) medication, 2)seeing a counselor or therapist, and 3) eliminating the biggest sources of stress in my life. I declined medication because I've been down that road and I don't want to do it again. I am keeping my mind open to seeing a counselor since I had such an amazing experience with the sweet woman who offered her services to the Schwab employees. And as for number three, I've decided to only do one meeting a week because I've already committed to that until May (no subs are available for that location) and then we'll go from there.
I am doing better since the diagnosis for a couple of reasons. One, I'm not eating everything in sight to ward off an anxiety attack (because it wasn't working anyways!) and two, I'm staying aware of what my body and mind are telling me. I've ordered some natural remedies and will be receiving them in the mail within the next week. The ingredients are naturally occurring in the body and that was important to me.
Joel and I also decided that despite the financial burden it might pose I need to join the gym again and get back into shape. Either that or I need to get my butt out running in the mornings. I think I might check out the local gym here in Kingston for the free trial and see if that jump starts my motivation. I appreciate all the support and love from my friends and family during all of this. I'm frustrated but I'm also recognizing that some other not-so-desireable tendencies (like yelling more, less patiences etc) could very well be a result of my depression and anxiety. So now I can work on that too. It's an exciting adventure to feeling amazing. I know with faith and attention to detail and cutting myself a little slack once in a while will do wonderful things.
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