I don't always make the best choices. I'm not always the greatest mom and no one judges me harsher than I judge myself. Tonight was fairly stressful and, yes, it was my fault. I know I don't do well without food and I pushed myself to the limit. As we arrived home hot and hungry Sarah was playing nicely at the coffee table with her scissors, glue, and paper. I went into the kitchen scavenging for something for dinner. I asked her to try some potato salad and she declined by spitting it on the floor. My last nerve happened to burst open into flames at that moment and I scolded her for spitting on the floor. She gave me a look that brings me to tears as I write this. Do any of you mothers reading this know this look? I was heartbroken. I had yelled at her because I was angry, not necessarily because she deserved it. It's a rule I try my hardest not to break.
She looked at the floor and responded, "I'm sorry Mama, I made you sad." My sweet wonderful girl. I went to the kitchen and broke into tears, came back to the living room, scooped her up in my arms and asked her for a big hug. I apologized for yelling and she asked why I was crying. I explained that I was sad that I hurt her feelings. She hugged and kissed me and we made up. But my heart was (and is) still struggling to forgive myself.
As we sat down to say our prayers she asked if she could say them all by herself. Normally we whisper in her ear little bits to say but she put her hand to my mouth and said, "Shh, Mama, I say it myself." To hear her sweet words going straight to our Father in Heaven choked me up once again. She amazes me always. As I was leaving her room after our prayers she was laying in bed and said, "Tomorrow, we'll sing together Mama." And I agreed. Then she sat straight up and said, "Mama, make sure Allison is safe, and please give her her binky." I have so much to learn about life and I am so lucky have the most amazing role model right in my own house. Who would've thought it would come in such a small package.
2 comments:
The End. Today (hot, sticky, hot, hot, hot) is over, and tomorrow is a new day. Sarah is a sweetheart extroidinaire, and she's probably wishing she had the words to tell you she wasn't thinking when she spit food on the floor, and she's sorry. EVERY mom knows the look you describe,...I could tell you stories.... breathe deeply, I PROMISE Sarah gets her extroidinariness from her beautiful mama, and hard-working papa. Sweet dreams my dear one.
oh Jenna, you write so well when you tell these stories it makes me cry a little with you. she's so sweet as are you. Love ya sis. :) don't forget to give Allison her binky.;)
Post a Comment