You know it is time to relax when...

I have two habits that I turn to everytime I start to feel out of control in my life.  I may not consciously recognize that my sanity is fading but these obvious tells help me to realize I need to take a step back and evaluate.  Joel noticed both tells this morning.  I have ZERO fingernails left.  Yup.  I bite my nails.  Sometimes (maybe twice a year) I can stop biting them and keep them long and healthy for a decent amount of time but then something happens and I snap.  My fingernails get nipped off in a nervous fit....and then if I don't pull it together they are MIA for months.  He thinks my lack of fingernails is pretty gross.  I'm totally with him on this but habits are hard to break aren't they?

The next sign of my loss of control is my eating habits.  Yup - I've been eating everything in site.  I know as I'm eating it that I will pay for it later.  I know that I am only eating out of stress.  I know that there are better options sitting in my cabinets.  I know that I'm not even hungry, in fact sometimes I'm so full I can't stand it - but I still eat.  It's my safety.  If I am chewing on something I am only thinking about how it tastes and how I want more of it.  I no longer think about my children talking at my face, or the bills that sit on the counter, or the dishes that need to be done.  Eating is my excuse to sit still and have a me-moment.  Sometimes I'm not even sitting...mostly I'm moving. 

So this is me laying it all out on the table.  I know I do these things and it's time to stop.  Today's been better than others already.  I still have about 10pp left to spend on my food (10 PointsPlus for those that aren't familiar with Weight Watchers is how much food in their points values that are still available for me to eat, I can spend them on whatever foods I want.  A whole bag of popcorn runs about 7pp).  I had 3 cups of roasted veggies, a banana, a tortilla, and 1 T of lowfat peanut butter for lunch which I think is UBER healthy!

So I'm going to commit to eating for myself this week.  I'm going to be selfish and put my body and my fingernails first.  Let's see where this takes me.