I have been cheating and posting but not posting anything personal. Not for a lack of things happening - just lazy, I assure you. But I then I remember that once upon a time I had all my posts bound into a beautiful book. The next time I bind the more recent posts I'd rather they be filled with stories and memories as opposed to meal plans and other nonsense. So I'm going to try harder - as usual.
- Allison will be four next month. Less than a month, actually. I can't believe it. When I look at her now she's a young kiddo and not my baby. Oh, my heart aches. I love seeing her grow up but I miss her sweet little baby-self. She's so hilarious - which is a good thing because she's also stubborn as a mule. Sometimes she falls asleep on me...okay, almost never...but she has twice in the last little bit and I absolutely love it. I soak it in. She moves more with purpose now instead of with the whirlwind commotion of a Tasmanian devil. She is growing more thoughtful and loving. Her manners are sweet when she wants them to be. Her favorite thing to do these days is give kisses and hugs. I never want to turn her away but when she wraps her arms around my bum and kisses said bum repeatedly while I'm trying to make dinner I have to shoo her away. Allison is fearful of little boys for the most part as she's had some rough run-in's with several. She loves hunting for roly-poly bugs, worms, and snails so she can feed the chickens.
- Sarah seems to be growing up too fast as well. I think it's just par for the course of life. She recently lost her first tooth. We were pretty sure the tooth was ready but after ripping it out with a string (and we had to rip it out as there was no way to remove the string without pulling the tooth with it) we realized she probably could have let it go another day or two and it would have bled less. But she was a trooper. I see so much of my emotional self in Sarah. She wasn't so sad about the pain of the tooth pull as she was seeing the blood and being unsure if it was okay. I remember that panic in my own heart and it tore me to pieces. IF you know me then you know I don't do teeth. We recorded the event with my phone but I stood with my head in Allison's room and just held the phone without even looking to see what I was recording...I was so squirrel-tummied. Makes me barfy just thinking about it! Sarah is doing really well in Kindergarten. Each month she gets her own packet of homework that is a little more challenging than what the class gets. It was pretty exciting for her to be a smart kid. I mostly love that she LOVES homework and learning. If I could have passed something on to my kids - it would be that. People tell me that ALL kids love kindergarten - but I know of some kids that don't. So, I'm still gonna be grateful. Sarah is my little sensitive spirit. She is eager to please and feels genuine hurt if she can't please and/or help. It worries me that she may one day be taken advantage of so I'm trying my best to instill a sense of awareness in addition to her sensitivities. I pray she will be strong and alert to the needs of others while also realizing and acknowledging (and respecting) her own limitations.
- Joel has had a rough year. I suppose we both did considering all my emotional crud that went on. He really struggled with some stuff, too. It took a toll on all of us. It seems things have settled a little bit in his heart and mind. He's more content. It's been really amazing over the last few months to watch him with our girls. I think he started to focus more on us as a family than on other parts of his life. He was never lacking as a father but once he really immersed himself in daddy-ness and faimly-ness it was really amazing. I think it has to do with a refocus of priorities but also had to do with the girls themselves. They finally hit that age where they listened and interacted and enjoyed him. It's been very fun to see the excitement in the girls' eyes as they play and laugh and learn with their dad. And frankly, there is nothing more attractive than a man who loves and plays with his kids. Everybody wins! Joel's also been really busy with house/vehicle projects. It seems I've realized how expensive owning multiple vehicles is - and Joel is realizing how time consuming it is to keep them all in tip-top shape! We don't have to devote a lot of time or money all the time, but the last few months have brought about lots of work to be done on all of our rigs. It's good. It'll get them safe and efficient and comfortable - but it does take away time from other projects and family fun we would like to do to. We have some downsizing on the horizon as far as cars/trucks go but we'll see what the time-frame ends up being. For now, I'm thankful we have running vehicles that we can rely on.
- I am plugging along. I'm not a victim of my own anxieties much anymore. I still deal with it on a day to day basis but it is no longer crippling. I have stopped the GABA for a while to see how I would react and beyond the initial panic (because I was scared I was going to have panic attacks) I have been doing quite lovely. If I get anxious I try to do something physical. Since my recovery from pneumonia I have hit the gym hard. Trying to get back to where I was before I got sick. And I think I'm almost there - although I have ruled out the marathon in June since I don't want to push it that hard. I may still walk/run it but we'll see what the future holds. I am focusing on being a good mama, financial guru, gardener, chef, prepper, wife, and daughter of God (not in that order!). I've been reading a lot this year which I think helps my anxiety a little bit too. It gives me a neutral place for my brain to rest in for a minute while my body calms down. Beyond that - I'm just not that exciting. :)
So that's us for a minute. Our chickens are on the chopping block daily because they get loud and very stubborn (as in trying every which way to get into the house. Once I came inside and there was a chicken sitting at the kitchen table, like it was totally normal.). Our fish are still here...still...here. And our little house is getting a project here and there...Over the summer I'm hoping Joel will build the girls some bunk beds and we can squeeze them into the same room. I'd love to have an extra space for an office or playroom or little TV room or something. We'll see. And I hope also this summer we can split our GIANT closet into a den and smaller closet. We'd open up the wall at the top of the stairs as access. That is one project I made up in my head and can't wait to see come into fruition! And outside, well, cleaning off the roof would be good and getting my garden going is also on my to do list. The retaining wall in the backyard is on our perpetual to-do list as well. Who knows when that day will come! :)
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