Trip down Memory Lane...

I'm getting ready for yet another garage sale and am doing so by going through the last of the boxes from my high school/college days. These are the boxes I saved purposefully last because they are the ones that contained the stuff I know I need to get rid of but it's harder than everything else. These are the memories, collages, pictures that no longer play a part in my life but have helped make me who I am today.

In sifting through these things I found myself less emotionally attached than I thought I would be. It's been 4+ years since I have seen any of it and if I never saw it again I'd hardly remember it existed. I did stumble across a notepad I remembered writing in. It was a particularly rough time in my life. It was about 6 months before Joel and I started talking seriously. It was about 3 months before what one could really phrase as my "rock-bottom"...I digress...

In this notepad I wrote, "Things to be thankful for:" dated 2-12-04. It's funny to read the list of things to be thankful for that I blogged about just weeks ago and then read this list...my life has changed so very much. And funny - so many are the same!

Some excerpts: 2004 (parantheses are my right now 2008 additions)

• Lone car rides singing at the top of my lungs. (still a favorite thing to be thankful for - and singing e-i-e-i-o isn't included)
• Knowing I will make the right decision based on my knowledge at the time. (I think it's all we can do, well that and definitely prayer.)
• Trying to be fair to myself. (I still struggle with this one as I tend to put off my needs and wants)
• The times in my life where I almost gave up but found the strength to keep going. (This is one I will always be thankful for - I could've missed out on the most amazing blessings - my husband and my child.)
• My determination to learn how to forgive my own mistakes. (I think this is funny because it's so true. I know that I can be forgiven by my Father in Heaven but I have the hardest time letting go and forgiving myself...and I am thankful that I continue to try and make progress.)
• The thought that one day...one day...I will know who I am.

I'd like to comment on that last one. I think that each one of us struggles with who we are at some point. I struggled quite a bit as those who know me best will testify. I've come full circle in my life. Reading this now, I know that inside my heart, my spirit was trying to get through - trying to tell me that one day it would all make sense. And it does. I wonder what else will become crystal clear in the future...