A few nights back I had posted that I was having problems with getting Allison to sleep. One of Joel's step-sister's suggested a book called "Happiest Baby on the Block" and how it helped her figure out how to work with some of her little ones. I took it worth a grain of salt because I don't normally read baby-how-to books. But I figured it couldn't hurt and remembered the name and made a mental note to read up on the book at least. Then the next night a new friend of mine showed up unexpectedly on our doorstep with that very same book in hand. She is a first time mom and really enjoyed the read and her son is just three weeks older than Sarah. I accepted graciously and ended up starting the book as soon as she left while I fed Allison.
The book actually brought back memories of my anthropology studying days in it's references to tribal practices in child rearing. It grabbed my attention and I was excited. But as I read on it lost it's spark. In fact, it gave me anxiety...surprise surprise. It is making me second guess EVERYTHING I'm doing as a mom and frankly I do enough of that to myself as it is. I don't need a book giving me a step-by-step method on how to make my confidence in mothering erode. If I had maybe read it before ever being a mother or even while trying to cope with my first child and their crying that would be a different story. But now it's tempting me to question if Sarah really IS normal since we let her cry it out when she was just weeks old.
Allison has given me two nights of good sleeping and seems to be crying a LOT less than before (Lissa, I did stop eating salad! :)) I'm feeling encouraged that we're making progress towards getting to know one another. I looked at Joel today and said, "I think I'm starting to love this one now." He laughed but he knew how serious I was. I know I love my babies when they are born but it's more of a love out of instinct not out of lovey-dovey-snuggly love. And today, looking at Allison, I did it, I fell in love with her little face and her eyeballs and her little hands and the way her head bobs back and forth.
So I'm not going to keep reading the book. I can't handle the second guessing. I do love hearing advice from other mothers and friends because they know me, my children, and my life. I will always solicit advice from those who've come before me in the realm of motherhood but I can't read words written for a whole population of not-me's and by some one who's never met my sweet stubborn Sarah and my ever-growing, alert Miss Allison.
6 comments:
once upon a time the entire population of planet earth believed that it was flat, but thatdoesn't mean they were right. Just because one author says you should raise a baby a certain way doesn't nessecarily make them right. Don't worry about what they say and don't second guess yourself Jenna. You are a wondeful mother and Sarah is a perfectly normal kid. they're all different and they all need to be raised in their own way. And also just because you did something one way wih sarah, doesn't mean it will work with Allison. I know you've already learned that, but but especially don't worry about what that that book says.YOu're very smart and capable and able to figure out what is right for your own children. If it takes a little trial and error, hey, it will be alright...
you are awesome, Love ya!
Zach
~p.s~ My verification word is "FUNBIB" hehe
I agree with Zach! You are doing great and I think it is a good idea that you stop reading that book. You are a wonderful mom, just go with your instincts, many mothers have done that. I am glad to hear things are looking up! Maybe you should write all this down and save it so you can write your own book on how to help mom's who children aren't textbook!
You're ALL right! No child is textbook, and besides the ones that resided in my home, (among them the twins from different mothers, and Jon and Em whom I called 'salt and pepper' because they went together great but were totally opposite people)I have also lived with a couple dozen children 7 hours a day for 20 years, which totals children in the hundreds, and I testify that not ONE of them was textbook. You begin to recognize patterns, and characteristics, but each one has a unique schema, and must considered on an individual basis. Here's the real, true, honest secret: Live worthy of the spirit and all things will be revealed unto you. You are never on your own, and guided by the perfect parent who wants you to succeed and will never steer you wrong. Trust that and even when you can't see the outcome you can know you're on the right path. Like I told Jennis; just breathe, you're better than you know. All my love, mama
Yeah Jenna! Chuck the books and let each child guide you. Allison will tell you what she needs and it's your special mommy ears that can interpret each sigh and cry :)
Happy Monday!!!!
Well I had a lot to say before I read all the comments and now I can say amen to that. The thing that I am alway amazed at is how in tune you are to your family, you have a magic of making everyone not just your kids feel included and important. I love that you know yourself well enough to trust your instincts and listen to the spirit when it says, you're doing great toss that book. i love love ya.
Jenna, Don't mean to be rude and I do think you are doing a great job. The book is just hints on soothing your baby the first three months. I didn't do this or have this book however I used it when Sarah was a baby. I remember you telling me I was the only one who could calm her down. I was just a suggestion not a guilt trip. It has helped me with the grand babies.
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